Person of the Year

You may have heard that Time Magazine decided to name me as Person of the Year. That's right, me. Well, I guess you're Person of the Year too, but it's mainly me. See, Time put a little mirror on the magazine cover, so whoever looks at it obtains the honor. I've been going to every Borders in Omaha and turning the magazine around to make sure no one else can become Person of the Year.

You might have also heard that there's been a lot of controversy regarding their decision. See, I was selected as Person of the Year because of my contributions to society through the revolution that is known as Web 2.0. But some people think that rounded corners, light blue fonts, and mirrored images aren't as important to the news as other stuff, like North Korea testing the bomb, or whatever else is going on over there.

Well, I think they made the right decision. As Person of the Year, I have the intelligence and expertise to make this judgement. And I'm already taking advantage of the position for all it's worth. I've updated my resume, and am using my newfound title as a doctor would. Matthew Steele, PotY just rolls off the tongue.

And in the tradition of other award recipients, I have already engaged in illicit physical activity with the 1988 Planet of the Year recipient, Earth. And don't even ask what I did to the 1982 Person of the Year. Let's just say my computer's input slot will never be the same.

But I do have one problem with the award. I don't think it's the first time I've seen this...